Last week I left Singapore, officially marking the last week of my exchange. Before I even left the States I knew that my four months in Singapore would pass in the blink of an eye, but all of a sudden December 6th had come and gone, the date that formally ended my time as a student at SMU. I used to tell people that I had tree months left, then two, then three weeks, then one…it’s always a surreal feeling when things come to a close; it sneaks up behind you, and while you’re turned around trying to figure out where it came from, it passes by and disappears, and you miss the chance to catch your last fleeting glance. Even stepping out of my exam room on the 6th, I could already feel myself moving on to other impending concerns, from packing to participating in club elections for next semester back at Penn. But it’s important to take a moment and just be, to soak up the fact that I just completed a rigorous semester at a wonderful school in a beautiful country amid amazing people (running out of flattering adjectives here…).
They always say that studying abroad changes your life, and now I can reflect on it and say that it’s true. In some ways I feel like a changed person, but I think the primary difference just lies in attitude. In only four months, I’ve lived more than I ever have back in the States. Because my stay here has been so short, I have been more willing to try new things, make time for people, and explore my surroundings. From certain perspectives Philly is probably just as exciting as Singapore, but it took an experience abroad for me to realize what I’ve been missing out on.
Mainly, I’ve most definitely been less stressed, despite the fact that academic competition in Singapore is no joke and I’m convinced that some SMU students spend more time on campus than back at home. Sure, there is work, but you do it and it’s done. But at Penn, there’s WORK. @#%&$#!!! WORK. Work that my entire life depends on, because I have to excel in order to get That One Internship at Goldman Sachs/JP Morgan/Bain/McKinsey/BCG (shoot me now) without which my life is meaningless and I shall face endless scorn from and rejection by my intelligent and capable peers who are the future leaders of the world. By all accounts (to the disbelief of my grandmother, who frowns at each new trip, new extracurricular, or new event that I accidentally let slip and tell her), I actually had MORE work in Singapore, because for once I’ve done what my grandmother has told me to do for years and prepared for each lesson before attending it. Not to mention that I actually finished all of assignments on time without procrastinating, something that happens without fail to seemingly everyone at Penn. But because there were so many people that I wanted to meet up with and so many places that I wanted to go to, I became more productive by necessity. Never before was I aware of how much I could actually accomplish or of the work-play balance that it is possible to achieve.
And within two weeks of being in Singapore, I could say with certainty (and not a small degree of shame and bewilderment) that I already knew it better than Philly, the city that I’ve been living in for the past two years. Granted, Singapore is the safest place I’ve ever been to while armed robberies happen monthly just right outside campus in Philly, but still. At Penn, we live, work, and eat on campus, so what’s the point of leaving it? More importantly, who has the time? Or, rather, no one makes it a priority to get involved with non-college, non-minimal-impact-community-service communities. But how do we become the next generation of leaders if we can’t even be bothered to venture off of our 5×8 block (and that’s being pretty generous) campus at least once a weekend, and not just to go to clubs or bars in Center City?
Most of all, however, it’s the atmosphere. I wouldn’t necessarily describe Penn as cutthroat, but a weight was definitely lifted from my chest during my time at SMU, and for four months I found it easier to breathe again. No matter where you turn or whom you talk to at Penn, the topic of interest is always internships. What are you doing this summer? How do you do a consulting case? Of course there is and always well be time for socializing and fun, but professionally-oriented and practical as Penn students are, our careers are always in mind. And inevitably there’s the comparison as well. How come SHE got that internship at JP Morgan? Why do I not have a summer job yet?? It almost occupies so much of the brain that there isn’t as much energy left to thoroughly enjoy college, four years that will never come again. It IS actually possible to plan out the future and secure fantastic opportunities without running around like an animal faced with the supernatural. Perhaps SMU may be the same (most likely) and I was just blissfully not a part of it because I was in exchange student vacation-mode, but it was definitely a blissful four month break.
This is not to say that I was unhappy at Penn just that, in comparison, I never actually lived. So many classes, clubs, competitions, events, and opportunities, not just at Penn but in Philly overall, and I had let so much of it slip past me for the past two years. Since the application period during my Senior year in high school, as well, I haven’t appreciated Penn the way that others I met on exchange did when I told them that my home university was Wharton.
So I hope that this new spirit and energy lasts, and wasn’t left in Singapore when I boarded the plane to leave the country. With this new frame of reference, I can change to make the most of my remaining year and a half with happiness that I hadn’t known before.
But maintaining it will definitely be hard. Even just at the very thought of returning to Penn and imagining myself in the same environment again, I can feel myself regressing into my old mindset, turning back into the Jessica that only visited two places in Center City twice a semester, never had time to meet up with other people due to exaggerated stress and pressure, and lived each day the same way, barely trying or exploring anything new. I had hoped that this Jessica would disappear over four months, but I know that she is still alive and well, ready to pounce as soon as I display a moment of weakness. It will be a constant and difficult battle, but at least it is a move in a new direction and once one has grown, I believe, it is impossible to go back.
To everyone that I have met during my four months in Singapore and my travels in Southeast Asia, thank you so much for influencing my life. It has been an invaluable experience, definitely the best decision of my college career. I can happily say that I fulfilled all of my goals – I definitely have no regrets. Farewell, Singapore! I have a feeling we’ll meet again. 🙂
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